Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
