Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
