there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
