He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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