You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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