Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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