It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
