Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
