I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
