i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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