woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
