I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
