I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
