i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
