I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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