Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she told me i tasted like america
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
