I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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