just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
