apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
