I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need a burrito and a hug.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
