Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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