well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
