he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
