You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize