why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They took my balls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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