So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
