never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
