I want to walk on stilts...naked
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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