cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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