It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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