5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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