So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
