can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
