After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
