gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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