Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We are two peas in an std pod
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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