Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize