The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
