Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
