Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
