I hope mine doesn't look like that
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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