Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
