absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
