Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
