this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
