I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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