Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
