I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize