The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
