there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
