Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
