I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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