It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm too high and old for this...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
