Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
