Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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