DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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