just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize