Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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