Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
