Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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