his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
