I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
4 words: hood of his car
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
