I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
