I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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