It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
