I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize