he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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