What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the high leading the old right now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
