I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
