Ambien. No doubt about it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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