I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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