she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
