Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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