i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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