Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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