Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
