their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
