Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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