He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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