She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
