Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize