i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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