My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize