I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i think i just lost a toe
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
