mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize