Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
