Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize