We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
