It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
