my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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