i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
