I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
