I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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