Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
