..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
