They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
did you just send me my own nude
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
